i'm a failure as a celebrity stalker...

I've just returned home from my day in Oshkosh and have this crazy jumble going on in my head...

It was a beautiful day (only the 3rd I can recall since last October!) and a nice drive. It was very windy today, I'm dirty and dehydrated, my feet are aching, I'm dog-tired and now I can't manage to get to sleep. Really it was a wonderful day!

I was so excited at the prospect of seeing Johnny through the lens of my camera. I love to take pictures. I am not an exceptional photographer but my style is pretty organic, very real and mostly quite intimate (I don't mean that in a dirty way). I guess that's why I've never published my stuff anywhere, I can't seem to bring myself to break the unspoken trust usually achieved by just a glance or a nod of acquiesence. That and most of my favorites are children which makes me take that trust even more seriously.

* warning: unedited (ok, a little cropping) lousy pictures here! *

Turns out though I am so not cut out for this particular (celebrity stalker) type of photography. = ) First off, I'm quite vertically challenged and have a bit of a crowd phobia. Secondly, I just don't have the equipment! The first shots I tried to get were ones of Johnny driving by waving at the crowd of fans. My results were less than satisfactory...










Finally, when I was done being tossed and turned by the screaming crowd I managed to get off one more shot just before the infamous black Escalade disappeared from view... You can see about 1/4 of the tailgate right about centershot! yikes... I was so busy trying to get my lens out over the crowd that I completely missed the moment. I never caught a glimpse of Johnny's big smile and wave that made everyone so crazy.


When I heard about the meet and greet I thought Wow, here's my chance! I still had all the same challenges but his time I resolved to not worry about any of it, to get what I could but not to sacrifice being present for it.


This is a shot of the crowd, excuse me, about 1/3 of the crowd who got to see Johnny before me. Nicki (aka Icky) who is at least a head taller than I snapped this shot holding the camera above her head. There were twice as many people at least behind us. For such a large crowd we were incredibly well behaved having been thoroughly prepped by Johnny's helpers = )




I snapped a few shots as Johnny got almost within range and then a few after he passed us by. As the crowd pressed in, I found myself being pushed further and further away from the barricades. When Johnny got to us I was too far away to meet or greet him so I just studied his face whenever I could catch a glimpse between heads. As he passed by, Nicki's friend (I'll call her Herbie, though I'm pretty sure that isn't her name, long story...) and her daughter got to talk with him. As they did her absolutely darling two year old started to cry and Johnny said somthing like, 'that's just how I feel, I totally get it.' I became overwhelmed by a great sadness as I thought of Johnny being willing to endure this over and over again so graciously. I believe what I caught was a glimpse of greatness... I've always known him to be a great artist, a great actor. Tonight I saw a great man - and am completely humbled...

In Haiti, where I've had the privelege to shoot a lot, there is a widespread belief (based in voodoo) that when you take someone's photograph you are actually taking a piece of their soul with you, literally. I guess that's why the consent thing is so important to me. I don't subscribe to this belief, but I try to respect it when I come across it. Tonight I think I actually really got it.

I'm not judging anybody but myself here and, hypocrite that I am, I certainly appreciate and benefit from the efforts of others who are able to do this kind of work. Just saying that it's not for me, at least for the time being...






On a lighter note - I think I could possibly stalk Jerry = )
This guy is hot, hot, hot...........

Juuuuust kidding!
(a little)

Thank You From The Depths of Hell

Just seeing that little quip from the front of a greeting card a friend gave me not that long ago brings a big nostalgic smile to my face...

She was in a dark place and I was trying to cheer her up with a simple little gift; a bucket, a shovel, dollar store flip flops and directions to 'the beach' if I remember correctly. She was touched hence the above mentioned card that made me weep.

Well, hell is not where I reside but I can definitely see it from here! I can't ever remember a darker time in my life.

I'm about to fail at the most important thing I've ever set out to do and if I do, I'll be letting down the two most important people in my life. In the middle of all this I've been severely let down by several of the most important people in my life. What makes it even worse is that all of the hurt and disappointment stems from the best of intentions on my part. All the important decisions I've made in recent days have all blown up in my face. All of them were decisions I made with integrity and were designed to honor others. In fact I don't ever remember making any choices in a more selfless way. I'm still reeling and don't have the first clue what to do next...

There has been one bright spot in the midst of all the despair. Johnny Depp is making a movie right here in our little neck of the woods! Not only that but a great group of folks have been providing a wonderful, accepting, non-judgemental atmosphere for sharing in all the excitement. So, to Rod and Diane and Jenny and the rest of the Public Enemies - Columbus folk...

Thank you from the depths of Hell... The inside of the card reads: 'Somehow, "Thank you from the bottom of my heart" just didn't seem deep enough.' Those are my sentiments exactly. = )