Sadly undecided...

This is the first time since I was eligible to vote that I don't know who I am voting for at this stage of the game...

I've been a liberal and I've been a conservative, I've was even passionately political for a time. One thing I have remained throughout is very passionately patriotic! Yes, I cry still when our National Anthem is played, especially when I am on foreign soil. There really is no place in the world like America. Yes she is young still, and brash as Johnny Depp pointed out in his much misunderstood and maligned comment after 9/11, but she is very idealistic and proud and her people are FREE! We enjoy a freedom here like no one else in the world does. I thank God often that I was lucky enough to be born here. There is no place in the world like America...

I've been longing for some time now to be able to place my vote for President of the United States of America for almost anyone other than a white male of either party. Nothing against white males, it's just time! (Please don't think me racist or sexist, I am very far from either one of those things.) As the political pendulum has slowed it's wild swing in my life I seem to have fallen a bit to the conservative side of center, not as liberal as I have been but far less conservative than I have ever been either...

I've been holding out great hope for Senator Obama during most of this campaign. Though I'd love to see a woman in the White House, Hillary would never have gotten my vote. I was never prouder of her though than when she spoke out for Obama at the DNC. She did her job fantastically and even brought tears to my eyes a couple of times!!! (No one was more surprised at that than I!) I was also moved by Bill's profession of love to his wife, though he didn't really do her any favors during her campaign which only reinforced my intense dislike of the man. I recall with great emotion how difficult the Clinton days were for me. I remember the Reagan/Bush days as the good old days (boo if you have to...) they were good for me economically and also they were very good days for an American who spent most of those days on foreign soil. They were the days of favor for our troops of which I was one. Those were the days I chose to exercise my passion for my country by serving in our military.

I remember vividly the early days of the Clinton regime with horror as he began to decimate the armed forces and it wasn't long before I was one of his casualties. He got rid of most of the mid-level managers, the ones with all the experience. My military service ended but I remained overseas for a few more years. There was a different feeling then about us, like we were often being laughed at. Coming home to white bread America in the mid 90's wasn't much easier. It was soo hard to find work in those days with my military resume. I sometimes felt like a creature from outer space! I guess that's when the pendulum swung right for me...

I'm not still waaay over there thankfully, but as I said earlier, I am still not sure who I am voting for in this election! What I am most sensitive to these days is all the bitter blaming going on in our two party system. I know it has been that way for a long time, but for some reason it is particularly hard to take right now. With all our elections so close in recent history, we are a nation divided. It is really hard to stomach the acrimonious dismissal by either side of 50% of the people in our great nation!! That kind of divisive pride is tearing me apart inside a bit.

There is not just a right way and a wrong way to come up against almost any issue I have ever seen. Anything that doesn't bend, will eventually break. And I'm not talking about one side or the other giving in. I guess I'm talking about giving up! I'm talking about thinking outside the box. Not your way or my way, or what we can't accomplish, but what CAN we do! I think that only humility can bring us across the aisle to someplace where we can co-exist, someplace where we can get close enough to each other to see our similarities and not just the gulf that divides us.

I was sooo hoping that Senator Obama was going to be that man, that man who could get us crossing the aisle and listening to one another. I admit to being pretty disappointed after his speech last week. (I really, REALLY like him!) I didn't hear what I was expecting to hear though. I heard a man toeing the party line, and bitterly so, advocating again, for 50% of Americans. ;(

Instead, last night John McCain surprised me. The words of conciliation I expected to hear from Obama were coming from his mouth instead. Words of humility. Words like, 'It doesn't matter who get's the credit.', and words like I was wrong, when speaking of the way he lived before his experience as a POW. I was reminded of why I served my country and why it really matters when you put others first. I was reminded why I served to defend our freedoms that I so cherish. Even that freedom of speech that some use to rip 50% of our people apart. I was convinced that I would do it all over again if I could. I was moved to tears. I felt like I heard a great and humble man speak last night, and more importantly, I think I heard him bend...

There is a part of me that wanted to turn off the comments to this post, but that is the part of me that lives inside the box. That isn't the part of me that served to defend our famous freedoms. This is America, the land of the free and the home of the brave! So, say your piece, and remember that I love you all, as living breathing people, and not as labels!

I still don't know who is going to get my vote in this election, but I will be listening and watching closely in the days ahead...